Do I need a doula if my husband will be there?

This is one of the most common questions I hear as a doula. Or I may hear "well, I'd like to hire you, but my husband is unsure." That makes sense! Doulas are only very recently becoming a popular option for women to have in labor, which means many dads have never heard of them. I don't expect dads to know what I do when I meet a couple. But if I could speak with every couple who wonders this, the first thing I would say is this: a doula is not a replacement for a partner, she serves a distinct role in a birth room, and a good doula should also assist in not only the birth process, but the facilitation of your family unity.

It is never my job as a doula to take a husband's place- at the end of the day, I will leave that birth, or we will have our last postpartum visit, and I may not see you for a while (until you get pregnant again, that is ;). But your husband is there for the long-haul, so it would not make sense for the well-being of your family and for your baby, for myself as a doula to step in and replace your husband. I am there to encourage him in how to best support you, give him handles on how to advocate for you, empower him so that he may better understand what your needs are.

Often times, I have found myself throwing back an espresso shot at hour 20 of a birth and telling a man to go lay down and take a nap- I've got this. But then we may switch. It takes a team to serve a mother. And he is no use to you postpartum if he's exhausted- he doesn't get all of the amazing hormones you get when you have your baby that help you stay awake for long periods of time. So I make it a priority to make sure that he is taking care of himself as well, with the chief purpose of serving you better.

So does a doula replace a husband? No, absolutely not. But she can help him step into his role. She can offer perspective. She can help him show up for you in a way that he may not even know how to do.